The Travesty of my Life
by Foamy the Squirrel
Summary: Ripped away from love and life, she was thrust into the future as a helpless babe. Now that her memory has been returned, it is time for her to set right the wrongs.
1. One

Disclaimer: This disclaimer hereby applies to all of the following chapters of this fic. I own nothing in this story, with the exception of a few of a few characters and plot twists.

Crappery: Okay, I know I promised updates on my other stories, but I felt the need to write this. I **will** be updating my other stories, but for the moment enjoy this one. I'm not sure if the plotline is original, but I have yet to come across any story like this one. So, I am hoping that it is…Enjoy.

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The Travesty of My Life

One

Throughout my life events have occurred that I am unable to comprehend. Yes, I do see the irony in that statement. I, Hermione Granger, the Insufferable Know-It-All, is supposed to be knowledgeable on all subjects known to mankind, wizard and muggle alike.

Except, whenever I have paused in my life to consider this, I have happened upon the times that are utterly beyond my comprehension. Truly, I do not understand them. Harry and Ron would laugh themselves sick if they ever heard me utter that, but now is not the time to reminisce about the past. I believe my story begins the very first time I ever saw Albus Dumbledore.

I had just turned eleven and was quite looking forward to the upcoming school term, when I received a particularly unexpected and yet amazingly remarkable letter. The curly, emerald script on the front of the yellowing parchment confused me, and even at such a young age, it angered me.

How could a person know _exactly_ where I was? It had been addressed to me, in the kitchen, the very place I had been standing when a speckled owl swooped through the window. Not moments later, the doorbell rang and I vaguely heard the sound of my mother opening the door, her cheerful voice welcoming the stranger into our home.

I was called into the living room and standing amongst the quaint, paisley furniture, was a tall man wearing a dress. My first impression was to laugh, but it was rapidly mollified by my need to impress this person who, my immature mind knew would be a large part of my adult life.

At first, I did not think the expression on his face to be anything out of the ordinary. It was not until I grew older that I realized that the look of utter astonishment, laced with horror, was not of the norm.

And that, complied with many other peculiar events such as that one, led me to try and discover the cause of all these strange encounters. To you, the reader of my recorded memories, this may not be making very much sense. For that, I apologize to you all.

I hope that once my tale has been told it will all be clear to you. Now, upon my arrival at Hogwarts, I received the same, almost awed reaction from most of the faculty. Still, I did not believe this to be anything different than what the rest of the children were going through.

Perhaps it would have been easier if I had never figured anything out, but then I would not be writing this now and that, my readers, would be something that would mean that none could ever know of the travesty of my life.

My _true_ story begins in my Seventh Year at Hogwarts. Just as everyone had believed, I had been made Headgirl and I was extremely proud of my accomplishments, although no one was in the slightest bit surprised. For, who after experiencing such a force such as myself, who would be?

* * *

Christmas was rapidly approaching, and yet I could not bring myself to be immersed in the gale of festivities. Something was missing in my life; a gaping hole within me that studying and good grades could not fill.

Such an emotion troubled me, all the things that had bothered me before that point could be solved by a good study session for a test I would not be taking for weeks. Despite this, I could not shake off the feeling that I was pining for something, someone. The weather outside was below freezing on a regular basis, snow falling in beautiful, perfect flurries.

This was my first winter in the Wizarding World not marred by the oozing, corruptive taint of Voldemort and I had finally learnt that to fear of the name only increased the fear of the man. For truly, that was all he was, a man.

I was bitter though, I had lost my parents in the last throes of that hated battle and then many of my friends. The world was still reeling, almost a year later. I sat by myself in my private rooms, staring out at the soft looking white countryside.

I wanted to be free. Free of the reputation I had been given, free of the walls I forced up around myself, most of all though, I desired to know what had forced me to seclude myself from all humanity and find solace in my books.

While I projected the image of a bookish prude, my true soul screamed to be released. That was not who I really was and I hated lying to everyone, especially myself. The one time I had tried to talk to Harry and Ron about the way I was feeling, they had looked at me as if I had just proposed group sex.

Although, I doubt Ron would have objected too heartily to such a tryst, the thing he had wanted since he went through puberty, me. I do hope he's gotten over it now. Anyway, a sigh escaped me as I turned away from the window and went to the massive bookshelf dominating an entire wall.

My love of reading was something I did not stifle; I do not think I would have made it through those years without the ability to live in my imagination when life started sour.

My brain felt like jelly and I knew I would not be able to concentrate on much, so I selected a year book from the late seventies. I had given Harry one for his birthday and at first he had disregarded it for one of the weird present I usually gave, something intelligent to stimulate his mind.

I had long before given up on Ron, but when the date was properly translated in his tangled, Quidditch obsessed thoughts, he thanked me profusely. I smiled absently and brushed my fingers against the smooth cover, momentarily freeing my spirit from its sharp confines.

Only when I was by myself could I release my hold on my façade and I could not help but wonder about the masks my friends wore, although I suspected it was more the Slytherins that wore a steely veneer than Gryffindors. I curled my legs beneath myself as I sat on my bed, opening the pages.

This would be the first time I had picked up this particular year book; I had been saving it for a rainy day. While the rain had frozen into flakes of frigid ice, that was merely a technicality. In this book it would show the graduating class of 1979, the year Harry's parents and the other Marauders left Hogwarts.

A faint smile was on my lips as my finger rested against the page, passing grinning and waving pictures. I passed over a particular face and then blinked, doing a double take. My eyes widened as cinnamon met matching tawny and the colour promptly melted from my cheeks.

There, laughing brightly and looking up at me was my own face. It was not possible though, how could I have been at Hogwarts in the 70s and then again in the 90s? I swallowed thickly past the lump in my throat and noticed the name, "Raven Grey". For some reason, this eased my nerves. Lady Raven Grey was reported to have died, at least that is what the blurb beneath her name said, in 1981.

I sighed quietly and began to shut the book when a faint glitter on the page caught my eye. A simple necklace was resting on Raven's neck, a locket made into the delicate shape of a crescent moon, opals studding the front of the silver pendant.

My vision narrowed so all I could see was the picture, bringing my hand up to clasp the identical necklace I was wearing. The book slipped from my nerveless fingers onto the floor, my breathing coming in labored gasps.

Something seriously wrong was going on and I had to go to the only person who would have the answers, the one who introduced me to the magical world when I was eleven, Albus Dumbledore.

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_Well, I hope you all like it. Please review and make this particular writer's heart soar!_

_Your Lord and Master;_

_Foamy the Squirrel_


	2. Two

_Disclaimer: Check Chapter One (CCO)._

_Crappery: All right, yes, this is a time travel fic except the traveling is twisted and I must admit, I quite like it. Now, about reviews, I will be replying to reviews every few chapters, or unless the chapter has more than ten reviews. All right, I believe that is all I need to say, so please enjoy._

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The Travesty of My Life

Two

Without giving a thought to the time, for it was past curfew, I left my rooms with the book beneath my arm and strode towards the Headmaster's office in a particularly bat-like manner.

I am quite sure, now that I look back, that I flew by several astonished looking teachers, but at that time I really could not be bothered then by their presences. There was something far more pressing on my mind.

The stone gargoyle that guarded the secret entrance glared up at me and I was sorely tempted to growl at it, if only to have the satisfaction of seeing it leap out of the way in fear.

I had just opened my mouth to speak the password when the crouched boulder stepped out of the way, a door growing and opening. I stepped through and upon arriving in front of his office; I barged in, not bothering to knock. Albus Dumbledore was sitting behind his desk in all of his glory.

"Ms. Granger, what is it you wanted?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, all the trust I had so innocently put into him rapidly dwindling away. I slammed the year book down onto the table in front of him, it opening to the correct page. "What the hell is this?" Now, I rarely curse, but there are some times when it is called for.

He peered down at the picture. "It is the 1979 year book, is this what you wished to show me?"

"Who is she and why is she wearing my necklace. Do not lie to me; my faith in the words you have previously spouted is rapidly dwindling." Again, there I was acting in such an un-Hermione Granger way.

He let out a very quiet sigh, the inane twinkle in his eyes disappearing. "No, Miss Granger, I will not feed any fabrications to you. You have been lied to enough in your life. Please take a seat, would you like some tea?" I shook my head as I slid into the cushioned chair, crossing my arms beneath my chest. "Miss Granger, what I am about to say has been obliviated from your mind for your own safety." He took a deep breath and rose to his feet.

My penetrating gaze never left him as he walked towards a window, looking out at the very same scenery I was admiring not half an hour before.

"Alexa and Gabriel Grey had one child together, Raven. She came to Hogwarts and was sorted into Slytherin. This was not a large surprise for many of the Greys have been sorted into that house. This was before the Slytherin got the reputation for turning out Death Eaters and despite her house; she became one of the Marauders in her fourth year here. She had a sweeter side that made her different than most Slytherins.

The year she graduated she and Sirius Black became a…what's the word now a days? An item…Her family did not approve of such a match, for despite what their child said about him, they would not believe that someone out of the dark Black family could be different. They condemned their relationship from the beginning. When the class of 1979 graduated, the two did not do as her family ordered.

Their ties were not severed and they moved in together. It was not until 1981 that Alexa and Gabriel discovered that she had disobeyed them. On the night of June 13 of that year when Sirius returned to their house, he found it ransacked and the hex/jinx residue. The Wizarding World in general searched for her for many months, but there was no trace of Raven Grey. It is believed that her parents murdered her and destroyed her body."

At some part during his speech, I had drawn my legs up against my chest and I let out a soft gasp. Sirius had lost the Potters a little more than three months later.

My breath caught in my throat as I looked up at Dumbledore. "Professor, is that all you were going to say?" My heart beating faster than a hummingbird.

He turned away from the window and came towards me, tilting my face up so our eyes met. "Child, I believe that you and Raven Grey are one in the same. Her parents did the worst thing they could; they sent her forward into a time where Sirius, and the rest of her friends, most likely was be dead."

For a moment my gaze drifted from his powerful sapphire hues, wandering to the book where I could just see Raven's face. Was it possible that we were the same person? My ever logical mind came back to life and I became the Hermione Granger the world associated with.

"If I am Raven Grey, why am I not thirty four, seven actually if the years my time turner gave me? Why hasn't Sirius or Remus tried to jog my memory?"

"The Greys were a very powerful family Ms. Granger. They would have been able to de-age you into the physical appearance of a child and deposited you in the future. All hope had been lost and people stopped searching and caring, that is, until _you_ arrived here."

I am unsure of what happened in that moment, but my chair was on the floor moments later and I was glaring furiously at him. "People stopped _caring_? How do you think _Sirius_ felt when he found out that people no longer hunted for Raven? Especially when he had just gotten out of Azkaban? _I_ helped save him! My face was one of the first he saw in freedom! Think of the deep malaise he fell into upon receiving such information! I cannot believe it!" The side of myself that I never showed, kept hidden deep inside of me for fear of being ditched by my wholly Gryffindor friends for having several Slytherin qualities, exploded into life.

For some minutes we stared at each other, a tension growing between us. Slowly, he inclined his head and stepped away. I clenched my hands into tight fists and strode out of the room, intentionally leaving the accursed year book behind me.

* * *

I leaned against the cool stone wall outside of Dumbledore's office, sighing quietly and resting my hands in my face. I despised when I lost control like that, it made me feel like I was no better than a slimy Slytherin that did not care about anyone but themselves.

I raked a hand through my unruly curls, a dark snort escaping me. I realized at that moment that I might not be able to look down upon the Slytherins any longer, I might actually be one.

That made me give a quiet cry and I stumbled down the hallway. I do not remember the trek to my room but my memory returns when I found myself lying on my bed staring up at the ceiling. A small part of me wished to Raven.

It seemed as if all the problems in my life would be explained if I was a pureblood witch from a prestigious family. Except, the stubborn aspect of my personality refused to believe that I was anyone else than mudblood Hermione Granger, the witch who many purebloods, mostly Slytherins, thought was scum on legs.

For as long as I could recall, I had not exactly disliked who I was, but I always thought that there had been a mistake when I was born. I was never like my parents. While they were dentists and the kind who are constantly in a person's face, bright and chipper, I seemed to be the opposite. I

f it was not for Harry and Ron, I would be utterly friendless. I was mentally far older than all in my age group; I was one that people typically say was born with the brain of a forty year old.

A dry chuckle escaped me as I rolled over, pressing my face into a pillow. More than anything, I wanted to find out what truly happened to Raven Grey. It was not right that she had been left to fade into history as a woman brutally slain by her own parents, no future generations knowing of her contributions to society.

I sucked my breath in surprise, sitting up suddenly. There was only one place, even if a mudblood like me would not be admitted, that I would begin to understand this mystery, Grey Manor.

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_Hope you all liked it, please review._

_Your Lord and Master;_

_Foamy the Squirrel_


	3. Three

_Disclaimer: CCO._

_Crappery: This took me a few days, but I'm relatively pleased with the way it came out. Now, some asked me what the pairing was of this story it is a Hermione/Sirius romance, if you don't like it, then leave. Many of you have been wondering if Sirius is actually going to show up or if this is just a mentioned romance. For those of you who have read some of my other fics, you should know by now that the romance does not start immediately. Yes, he will be showing up within the next two or three chapters and will be a permanent character there after. Response to reviews will be at the bottom, enjoy._

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The Travesty of My Life

Three

I slept soon after coming to the decision that I would soon find out the secrets of the Grey family and upon waking up, it was Saturday then, I arose. Soon I was dressed and stood in front of my fire place, looking at the dancing pumpkin flames with a furrowed brow.

It would be impossible to get to the Grey Manor by floo; it would most likely be blocked. I absently gnawed on my lower lip; trying to recall the facts I had crammed into my head the year before to combat my grief.

I believe that, my dear readers, it is time for me to speak a little more about myself, breaking away from the storyline to make my situation clearer. Hogwarts suffered greatly during the War, loosing countless innocent lives that had been thrust into this epic battle.

Harry and Ron had been two of the casualties. If you could see my face as I write this, there is a sad smile on my lips. I thank the gods everyday for them, but also curse them for ripping my brothers from me.

They died deaths that any Gryffindor would have been proud of. They saved me a fate worse than any curse; the rescued me from the clutches of Voldemort himself. The deranged half blood had duped himself into believing that any child that I conceived and carried within me would be a babe of mind boggling power.

Andespecially so if he, a dried up cadaver fit only for the grave, fathered it. I still have terrible night terrors of his scaly touch against my skin and the dry, rough feeling of his lips brushing against the neck.

It is truly amazing how far one's brain will go to block out harmful events, barricade them into a dusty, long forgotten corner of their memory and leave them there to fester defiantly until the poisonous taint of them becomes too strong, it's ooze of corruption suddenly sullying the mind.

This is ability is something all human's possess, a primeval instinct that we are equipped with to protect ourselves from the terrible ferocity of the world we live in.

And now, back to this delightfully _riveting_ tale. Grey Manor was located near a small town, which I believed to be called Lyre and this village was home to the world famous pub, The Green Faerie. A smile, one I had spent years cultivating before a mirror, spread over my face, it's delightfully evil tint causing a slight flush to settle onto my cheeks.

"To the Green Faerie it is then." I murmured.

I despise floo travel and flying, the two most common ways of getting around the Wizarding World, go figure, and that trip was no different. Once a handful of glittering, seemingly glass shard pocked powder had been thrown into the fire and I had called out my destination, I took a step forward into the flames.

I ignored the pleasantly warm sensation tickling all the way up my legs, absently patting one of the fiery tendrils snaking up my side.

There was a steady, extremely unpleasant, tugging behind my belly button that reminds me painfully of the sensation one experiences before vomiting profusely, and I was jerked away, out of Hogwarts, hopefully to the answers.

* * *

I landed quite roughly on my knees, a soft hiss coming from me as I felt angry bruises begin to spread their darkened touch across my skin. Most of the talk about me stilled and I felt countless pairs of eyes rest on me.

Slowly I lifted my head and all must have seen something in my face that shocked them to the core, for utter silence reigned in the slightly grungy pub. I pushed myself up onto my feet and walked to the bar, slipping onto one of the barely padded seats.

The woman standing behind the counter watched me in something akin to horror, the ragged dish towel she was holding pressed against her mouth.

"Lady Raven?" She squeaked, hope filling her hazel eyes.

Something inside of me cracked at the optimism appearing on her face and it physically pained me to shake my head slowly. "I am sorry, but I am not she. At least, I do not think I am." I muttered the last part in an undertone, more to myself.

Her hues grew dull once more and she nodded, motioning deadly to the array of multi-coloured bottles behind her. "Can I get you anything?"

"No…But could you tell me in which direction the Manor is?"

"Go up Main Street, you cannot miss it."

"Thank you." I said slowly and headed towards the exit

I was only a few feet away when a hand snatched my upper arm, fingers digging into my flesh. I wheeled around and looked into a face. My brow instantly furrowed as I tried to place this person, their countenance striking a chord within me.

It was as if I was trying to remember something from a half forgotten dream, everything was hazy but I _knew_ there was something more than the meager picture I was presented.

"Who…My does it feel as if I know you?" Confusion was the dominate feeling.

"You do, Lady." The haggard female said, touching my face with gnarled knuckles.

There was a strange tenderness in her whitening eyes, an almost motherly love that I had received many times from the woman who had raised me. A soft cry of frustration escaped me as anything about this creature eluding me, taunting me with golden tendrils but flaming into ashes when I got close enough to touch. It was too much, the hope on all their faces and this aged crone watching me as if I was a favoured child.

I drew my arm away from her and fled. Bitter cold bit at exposed flesh as the weather beat down upon me with all the furious intensity of Mother Nature. It definitely had not been as cold at Hogwarts, but Lyre was much farther north than my old school was and that dark season of cold and death, but ultimate beauty, had free reign here.

* * *

It took me some minutes to climb through the small village and up the hill the house was perched upon, all the while battling the elements furiously. My breath caught in my throat as I looked up at the mansion dominating the horizon, dark spires of angry stone reaching towards the raging heavens in cruel defiance.

This was not a place of warmth and happy memories and a distinctly cold feeling lanced through my stomach, it bearing no relation to the snow around me.

I had been to this place before, that was certain, and slowly I began to believe that perhaps there was a chance that I truly was this Raven Grey. I gave myself a quick, mental head shake and stepped towards the impressive gates that caged the massive house. To find the answers I would have to pass over that threshold and I rapidly felt my Gryffindor bravado began to slip away and my more Slytherin paranoia ate away at my innards.

I would be murdered the very moment I entered into this pureblood domain and I swallowed thickly. Of course, you all know that I did not pass away, for if I did, how could I be writing this? But in our mystical world of magic, it would have taken far more than my own death to keep me from achieving my goal. I sucked in a deep, gasping lungful of air and rested my hand on the wrought iron, giving it a gentle push.

I was not surprised in the slightest when a maelstrom of deep crimson fire began to swirl around my form, tugging at my clothes and jerking me off of my feet. For a brief moment I looked into the flames and saw an aged face, wrinkles swathing the eyes in creases of graying flesh. A brief, sharp cackle reached my ears and I was pulled away from my position, sucked into a swirling vortex of nothingness.

* * *

For the second time in less than an hour, my knees slammed into the ground, except this time it was into lush carpet and not biting stone. A hiss escaped me as I lifted my head and found myself looking into worn, tired eyes.

The woman sitting in a plush armchair was crone-like, muted by the vastness of the hunter green leather she hid in. She leaned forward as she watched me, a gnarled hand reached forward to point at me, yellowing nail seeming attempting to gouge into my face.

"It has been years since I saw your face, girl. I thought I was rid of you."

"Alexa Grey." I said simply.

"Yes, can you even recognize the twisted features of your own mother?" She laughed humorlessly to her self. "Of course you cannot. All my beauty has faded away into _this_." She spat, motioning to her crippled, old body.

I rose to my feet and took a step towards the woman. "My own mother? Why would I believe that you are my mother?"

She snorted and waved her hand at me in an imperial gesture. "You deny it? You are a Grey, no other family or mudblood can bear the mark." My hand unconsciously rested just below my right hip. "Ah, the raven that marks you as one of our own. You are a pureblood, a Grey, my daughter. No spell can erase the generations of breeding, the tilt of your cheeks, your dainty nose, all these traits that have been cultivated so the outcome is perfection. Can you not see it? If my own body was not so broken, I would show you the blemish that ties us together. Believe me, child, you will soon be the last of the Greys. Know your heritage and be proud of it."

I understood then that this twisted old woman craved human contact, how long had she been alone in the cavernous halls she was sequestered in? I lowered myself into a crouch and gently touched her hand. "Why did you send me forward into time as an infant? Was it truly such a sin to marry for love? He was a pureblood, was that not enough to please you?"

She stared down at where I was touching her and then back up at me, almost as if in awe. "This is what your father and I never could understand. Despite all that happened to you, still your sense of justice and uncaring love remained. Why? I ruined your life and yet you do not recoil from my very presence?"

"You might have taken me from love, but you could never erase my soul. The Wizarding World will not recede into darkness now, and secretly our people have you and Gabriel to thank. Now please, answer my question. Why did you do what you did?"

Alexa Grey dropped her head, eyes drifting to her lap. "He was not like us, he was different. He was a child of the Light and was sorted into _Gryffindor_, not a true Black at all."

"I was placed into Gryffindor as well; does that make me a traitor to the Grey house?"

"Yes." The woman said simply. "You would have sullied our line by marrying such filth. A mudblood lover and even worse, he cared not for the purity of the blood of his children. Your father and I believed that in the future, there would be more worthy for your hand. We planned to reclaim you upon your majority and wed you to a Malfoy, or perhaps a Zabini."

I mentally shuddered then at the thought of lying with Draco Malfoy or Blaise Zabini. Such an act was something I vowed never to do, I physically felt ill at the very idea. I knew enough, it was clear to me that Hermione Granger was merely a pseudonym for Raven Grey; they were one in the same.

I rose to my feet and looked down at her, trying to keep the contempt off of my face. In few words she had none too carefully planned my own life out and that was something I could not allow.

"I am leaving now." I said softly. "Goodbye, Mother." I turned to walk to the fire place when her hollow voice caught me.

"Do not leave me…Here, take this and never forget who you are." I heard something hit the ground at my feet and I slowly turned.

The glimmer of silver sparkled like a beacon in a deathly night as it lay half hidden in the dark carpet. It was in my hand a moment later and I smoothed my thumb over the peculiar pendant, lips moving as I silently spoke the Latin inscription.

I slipped it into my pocket, inclining my head slightly to her and then I left. To this very day I do not regret my actions and even now, I will not look upon Alexa Grey's face. It is forbidden from entering my mind, the only place she is left alive.

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_Review Responses - _

_Chapter One:_

_Dancing in rain: I hope I got the second chapter out fast enough for you._

_Summery Ice: Ugh, I hate when people do that, turning her into a Miss America…It kinda destroys everything Hermione really is. It's okay to change her a little bit, but when there is no correlation to cannon, it's like why not make her giver her a new name and make her an OC? Thanks, rushing art tends to make it garbage._

_Sheila: Oh trust me, the pairing will arrive soon enough._

_Valentines Hater: It's a time turner fic, but definitely not what you are thinking of! _

_CharmedLoeLvr: Thanks!_

_Chapter Two (all reviews submitted after Two was posted) – _

_Moony's-Mate: Thanks, and will do._

_LinNicole: But of course they will! Have a look at the pairing, she won't be snogging a dream! _

_Cookiedoughicecream: Thanks! I like yours too!_

_Rane2920072: Well, Sirius fell behind the veil, but it's has yet to be explained to us…_

_Tooki: Your review made me feel so happy; I've been trying extremely hard to make this fic different than the plethora of sameness that plagues this site. So many stories bear the same plot and I'm just getting sick of it. If you've read any of my other stories, you'd know that I strife to make my fics as out there and different as possible. I find it rather amusing actually, thanks!_

_Le Grimoire: Within the next few chapters, yes. I just have to finish setting the first threads of the story down before they come._

_Kaladelia Undomiel: Thanks! Hmm…That seems like a really good idea! I'll try and incorporate it somehow!_

_FunnyCatGirl: Yeah…Thought it was about time Hermione wasn't something like Voldemort's daughter or something. That just got painfully old._

_Faerie-kitty306 animelover: Aye aye. _

_Jade: Yes, he is coming._

_The Lady elizibeth: It will have them, but you can't exactly have the romance start in the first chapters. It makes for a crappy story, usually. _

_Valentines Hater: Ello again! Will do. _

_Harder-to-breath: Oh I will finish it, hopefully before the sixth book comes out and we all find out that Sirius really is dead!_

_Dawn1: Thank you so much! I hope you enjoy the rest of it!_

_La lune magique du loup-garou: Wee! It's good thing to creep you out!_

_Thanks for all of the reviews, they make my world go round. _

_Blessed Be;_

_Dove-Feathered Raven_


	4. Four

Disclaimer: CCO

Crappery: Sorry about the wait, the situation of the past month and a half (five people I knew directly or indirectly passed away) kept me from writing. There should be another update in the next week or so. Review responses will come in the next update, enjoy.

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The Travesty of My Life

Four

My story grows dull upon my arrival at Hogwarts. Dumbledore was waiting in my rooms, a truly furious expression on his aged face. The actually conversation between the two of us has grow fuzzy and distorted, so I will not report that to you, except, the gist of it will never leave me. I was forbidden to leave the school until I graduated at the end of the year. This did not bother me though, my happiness at the knowledge I had acquired was enough for the time being.

There is one event in my last year of schooling that I suspect is quite important to the following tale. It was Valentines Day and the lack of customary cards from my deceased friends struck me hard. Although, I do remember receiving some from a few 'mysterious' donors, they are not of great importance. I had skulked back to my room in deep misery as I thought back on the glorious years I spent with Harry and Ron. After I had shrugged out of my school robes and pulled on the sweater I had worn the day of my forbidden travel, my hand slipped into one of the pockets.

Cool metal met my warm fingers and I pulled the necklace out, before my eyes. A wry smile tugged at my lips as I brushed a piece of lint away from it and absently fastened it behind my neck. Something clenched tightly at the base of my skull and a fierce pain bloomed there, my vision distorting. It was as if I was on the verge of succumbing to a powerful migraine.

I cannot recall the passage from standing to being crumpled on the floor, but I totally blacked out. When I came to, all my forgotten memories had returned in a rush. In the space of time I had been unconscious, I had re-lived my first life right up to the point where those times merged with my first recollections of the Granger household. My body was shaking ferociously and tears sprang to my eyes, pathetic weakness clinging to me. I could barely move a finger and it took me hours to finally leave my bed. We can continue with the rest of this chronicle now that you all know how I regained the lost years of my true self.

I graduated at the top of my class, but that day will forever hold many sad memories for me. So many were missing from those accepting their diplomas and most were crying silently. The Weasleys, especially the twins surprisingly, were crying heavily. The owners of the amazingly successful Wizarding Wizard Wheezes took the loss of their youngest brother the hardest. It broke my heart to watch those usually grinning faces contort with deep agony as the loss of a sibling.

Those hours in the public will forever be burnt into my mind. After I had stepped off of the stage I was swept into a massive hug by Molly and we sobbed onto each other's shoulders for our losses. Even over a year and a half later, the sulfurous claw of death still marred our lives. I left Hogwarts after that, thinking that a return trip to those memory filled halls would not occur for many years.

* * *

The house I had inherited through my parents, they had both died when their cruise ship capsized in the middle of the Caribbean, was so empty without the sounds of laughter. It was just like Hogwarts after the war. My first summer of true freedom was still in its infancy when my life changed forever. Ugh, I can only imagine how clichéd that statement must sound to you all. It seems as if every book that was once written contains that line and the main character utters it in all seriousness.

But please believe me when I say this, what happened that summer completely altered my perception of what my life was supposed to be. It was close to midday and I was sitting out in the considerably sized garden behind my home, absently watching the fountain in the small pond before me splash in a sweetly sublime way. Sitting there with my feet in the relatively clean water was a favourite past time of mine when I was younger, it was the perfect time to loose myself in the thoughts that constantly swirled about in my head, battling for the privilege of being first in the long queue that entered my thought processing center.

My eyes slipped closed as I reveled in the feeling of sunlight soaking into my barely bronzed skin when I heard a quiet popping noise behind me. Icy fear instantly filled my veins as I was thrown into memories of the War and my wand found its way into my hand quickly. I was on my feet seconds later, my steady clenched hand pointing in the direction of the noise. What I saw awoke my recollections of my life as Raven Grey and a hoarse sob escaped from my throat. A completely alien feeling sprung into being in my chest and I pressed a hand against my opened mouth.

"Sirius?" I croaked, unable to believe my eyes.

Standing some meters before me was a very alive, but darkened Sirius Black. There were no traces of the gaunt, filthy creature I had helped set free in Third Year with Harry, but a young man in the prime of his life. When he looked upon me, his deeply hazel eyes that before had seemed lifeless and dull, like the tarnished, faceted surface of a once perfect gem, blazed into vibrant life and he took a half step towards me.

"Raven?" He whispered as if he could not comprehend what he was seeing.

My true self took over and I nodded my head slowly, hope mixing and mating with that other strange emotion and my eyes began to glisten. I felt incomprehensibly drawn to that man and for some peculiar reason I wanted to do nothing more than throw myself into his arms and never leave his protective embrace. I was on the verge of glomping him when Sensible Hermione tapped me on the shoulder and took control.

"There are some things you should…" I did not get a chance to finish my sentence for he leapt at me and pulled me against his chest.

His arms encircled my waist tightly as he crushed my form up against his, brushing some of my hair away from his face. The look on his face made the tears gathering in my eyes too heavy to be contained by lashes and they streamed unchecked down my cheeks.

"Love, please don't cry…Your parents _will_ pay for what they've done to us." He whispered softly and moved one of his hands to gently rest against my abdomen. "While they can separate us, forbid any contact, and try to destroy me. They can never obliterate what we have created, our love made physical." Such joy shone in his eyes that it took me a few moments to catch on to what he was saying.

My mind desperately skipped back to when I recovered all of my memories and I found the one I sought, the one that breaks my heart even now. My drying tears started once again in earnest and he watched me in concern, his hand slipping beneath my chin, turning my face up to him.

"Love?" He asked, confused.

"They killed it." I sobbed, completely bewildered by the onslaught of emotions slashing at me; it was definitely not like me to cry hysterically or show my feelings so openly.

His beautiful eyes darkened as he drew me closer against him, tenderly rubbing my back with his hand. My head rested against his shoulder and for a moment I lost myself in the sensation of being completely surrounded by someone I knew cared deeply for me. And then I realized that I was currently locked in a loving embrace with the godfather of my now deceased best friend.

I pulled away from him and dropped my face into my open palms. "Oh Goddess…I can't do this right now." It was the truth, being held like that brought back to many memories I was not ready to cope with.

Sirius reached out with barely trembling hands, his fingertips just brushing my knuckles. I jerked away and the warmth of his body, still quite close to my own, drew away.

"I should have guessed." He said the rich baritone of his voice cold. "You have found another. All the times you vowed to love me no matter what meant nothing to you. Did you lie every time you whispered those sweet words to me after we lay together?"

Slowly, I began to look at him. "Do not leap to conclusions." I uttered and roughly grabbed his bicep, not actually caring if I was hurting him. "We need to go see Dumbledore _right_ now."

"I don't want…"

"What you want does not matter. We are going to pay the Headmaster a little visit, whether you like it or not."

"Where did the Raven Grey I fell in love with go? You certainly aren't her."

I narrowed my eyes dangerously at him, desperately wanting to hex him or at least give him a sharp smack. "Having the child you loved with all of your soul ripped from you, being put up for adoption once your own parents de-age you, and then growing up under the dark taint of Voldemort changes people." My tone was surprisingly quiet, although the lacing of malice in the words came out strongly.

The warm, adoring air that had surrounded us not moments before had utterly evaporated leaving a heavy, stench like miasma of antagonism that consumed the both of us. I hoped deep within the recesses of my heart that Dumbledore could shed some light on the situation.

* * *

A quick floo trip later and we were standing in the large outer office belonging to the Headmaster. He was watching us with that massively annoying twinkle that simply _screamed_ that he knew something we did not. He leaned forward as he rested his chin in his hands, apparently about to speak.

"You say he merely appeared out of nowhere?"

"Yes! I was in my garden and he just poofed there!"

"Well, did you think to ask him about the circumstances of his mystifying arrival or did you leap right to your current spat?"

"She did not ask me."

"Ah, I did not think so. Now, perhaps you can tell us both how you came about to be in this year?"

Sirius fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, before he began. "Raven had disappeared, there was no news of our child, Remus was growing distant, Lily and James were murdered, and Harry was sent to those disgusting muggles. I had nothing left. Raven had been researching time travel spells/potions before she…vanished and I remember that she had said something about one that took the caster to whichever year they wished.

I found her notes, made the potion, cast the spell and went to the time when Harry would have graduated. Just in case it was the right year, I spelled myself to appear where ever Raven was. It was lucky that she was in the first place I looked. Except, now I don't want to be here because times have changed her so she's not the person I fell in love with back when we were still in school."

"Why do you say that?"

"She has found someone to fill her heart, why else would she push me away as if she did not care about me?"

"Sirius, she only recently acquired the memories of her past life. She should not be held accountable for the way she acts. The news that her first child was murdered by its own grandparents is still fresh in her mind. She is confused."

"I would appreciate it if you would not speak about me as if I am a simpleton or as if I am not here. It is extremely demeaning and I will not stand for it." I barked; I was in no mood to be ignored.

"I apologize, Miss Granger. This might be confusing for you, but please try to answer me as truthfully as you possibly can. Do you still love him?"

That was not a question that one is able to answer within seconds. I knew I still loved him with a passion, but there was also a thin layer of platonicness coating the rest of it. I did not want to speak and give Sirius nonexistent hope, but staying silent was an equally undesirable option. I drew in a deep breath as I crossed my arms below my chest.

"I still love him, but it has been almost buried by the memories of Hermione Granger and now I am unsure of whether it can evolve back into anything more than platonic love.

Yet the memories I have of Raven Grey, there is no doubt in my mind that I truly loved Sirius when I was younger. I believe that in time, yes, a deeper love could be formed than the one stolen from us." My hands settled into my lap as I watched the elderly man, trying my hardest to ignore the presence at my side leeching away at my attention.

"Sirius, I know this will be hard for you to listen to, but you cannot stay in this time. You must return to the day you left."

"But…"

"No, do not remember your lessons? Your presence here could completely disrupt the fabric of time. You could actually ruin the world." I said, not exactly meaning to sound so bitter but merely I was coming to terms with the severity of our situation.

His stunning hazel eyes darkened and closed the mixture of prevailing love and hurt completely disappearing, melting into black nothingness. "I see that I am unwanted here. It will take a month and a half at the least to create the potion, and then I will remove my personage from your lives."

I opened my mouth to speak, but saw Dumbledore perceptively shake his head. "If that is what you believe and wish, then so be it. Miss Granger, would you mind terribly if he stayed with you while he was here? It would be for the best if few knew he was here."

I swallowed thickly past the sickening lump in the back of my throat, desperately wanting to scream at the senile wizard that I wanted to festoon Sirius Black on a desolate desert island in the middle of the ocean and leave him there, to hell with whatever feelings I carried for him. "No." I forced out, the syllable slipping from between my gritted teeth.

I rose from my chair and grabbed Sirius's hand. He looked up at me, hope sparking briefly on his face before sputtering out. Within moments, Hogwarts was only a faint glimmer hundreds of hearths away.

* * *

_Hope you all liked it and please review._

_Your Lord and Master;_

_Foamy the Squirrel_


	5. Five

_Disclaimer: CCO._

_Author Notes: Due to the number of people who have said that they are confused, I will include in this chapter a brief summary of what has happened thus far in TToML. Thank you all for the reviews and Happy Belated St. Valentine's Day._

_Summery: In the 1970's, the age of the Marauders, Sirius Black and Raven Grey fell in love. Her parents, deeply rooted in keeping the bloodline pure of any sort of taint, viewed him as weak for being a 'muggle lover'. They staged a plot that looked like they killed Raven, but in actuality cursed her back into infancy and stuck her in an orphanage a year into the future. Raven Grey was adopted and named Hermione Granger. Hermione has graduated from Hogwarts, where the Final Battle took place, pretty much friendless and alone. She was sitting in her garden when a teenage Sirius Black appeared in search of his lover/fiancé and after a conversation with Dumbledore, they fought. Essentially, that is all that has occurred._

* * *

The Travesty of My Life

Five

My feet touched the hearth and I quickly stepped into the living room, barely containing the magma like intensity of my anger beneath my thin skin. I turned around when I heard him land, eyes narrowed in that dangerous way that always alerted those who knew me best that I was extremely volatile.

One of the characteristics of Gryffindor, I had stopped calling it my House considering I have always thought myself as more of a Slytherin, that continually bothers me is the martyrdom they inflict upon themselves. Indeed, Sirius acted as if the world had placed all of its troubles upon his shoulders and it that everything was entirely up to him to fix.

I forced the raging torrent of liquid hot fury in my veins and slipped into the cool façade stemming from years of social functions, with their saccharine snubs and veiled threats. A faint stab of pity slithered into my heart when I saw the pained expression in his eyes and his dejected stance. I almost reached out to pull him against me, give in to the strange love quickly filling my spirit, before I snapped back to life.

"I have things to do and you being here will not keep me tethered to the house. You will not leave these walls, understand? You know nothing about muggle life. I would very much rather chain you to a bed, completely wandless, than come home and find this place bereft of your radiant presence."

"You expect me to stay _here_ for a month and a half? Listen, I'm not Snivellus…"

My soul grows dark when I think back on my emotions at that moment. Severus Snape was one of the few in our world that befriended me when I was alone. Yes, it seems strange that the greasy git, the sarcastic bat of the dungeons could ever be more than that, but even today he remains one of my closest and most valuable friends. When Sirius snubbed him, the tremulous grip on my temper became too frayed to live and snapped with a resounding force.

My hand, which was holding my wand with cracking force, raised so my wand pointing at him and stood there unwaveringly. "Do not slur Severus Snape before me or you will truly pay the consequences."

He scoffed. "And why shouldn't I? He is nothing but a spineless, weak, selfish bastard." His hazel eyes gleamed for a moment before he saw the hatred leaking onto my features.

"It is not he who is the weak bastard, but you. You know nothing of what he has gone through in his life and I can not believe that I ever got close enough to you to conceive a child." I spat, the more…questionable blood within me affecting my irises so they began to glow a furious, electric violet. "That man you so coldly referred to as spineless and weak thoughtless sacrificed his life for the better good year after year so that the Light might prevail against eternal dark.

That man you so crudely and disgustingly insulted was the only person to hold me when I lost sight of what is pure and good in the world. He _saved_ me from a self inflicted death and showed me that life is worth living. Never speak to me about Severus again; I will always hold him in the highest of regards for all that he thoughtlessly gave. At least my true house is one I can actually be proud of." I growled, the vehemence melting out of me and I had to fight the desire to break down into sobs.

My little rant had brought back images of Harry and Ron's bodies sprawled out on the blood soaked ground, their limbs twisted into odd, gruesomely unnatural angles and positions.

They had given their lives to safe my own and a shiver ran through me as I swallowed back my tears. There was only one living person that I had ever cried upon and he was currently teaching a class to those 'dunderheads' as he so affectionately called his students.

"You were _friends_ with _him_?" He scathingly spat, eyes growing wide at the very thought. "He showed you that life was worth living? Why don't you just admit that you cheated on me with him? Is the child you at once carried even mine? Were you ever even faithful to me before all of this happened? Were you always a whor…"

"Do no finish that sentence." My tone was emotionless, feelings in check and I would not let a thoughtless prick like him ruin the tentative life I had created for myself. "I have to go out and buy food. Constrictum." A charm slipped from my lips, thick off white ropes springing from the tip of my still lifted wand.

The braided fibers twisted about him in a harsh way, I not bothering to soften them or halt their rough treatment. In my mind, he deserved every burn he received. His balance quickly fled and he toppled to the slightly ashy floor with a resounding slap.

I scowled down at him and stuck my wand into the pocket of my long sweater, grabbing my purse from the coffee table. Without bidding Sirius farewell, I left my house and locked the door. At that point I did not care what occurred with him, he could have rotted away beneath a sofa for all I cared and I would have merely laughed.

* * *

At times I thank the gods for magic, especially when the idea of a third hand is needed. It is especially when I am carrying many armloads of things from the car that the ability to spell the objects into floating before me that I am truly glad that I am a witch.

I paused a moment to unlock the front door and horror scratched rusting nails across my skin. The door was half closed, a small sliver of outside light falling into my home and I could just see the entry way tantalizing me.

My concentration on keeping the levitation spell working slipped and the food I had procured dropped faster than a human through water. I ran inside and did a brief search of the house, not pleased with what I found.

I appeared as if my 'guest' had freed himself and left the confines of my land. I leaned heavily against the wall beside the front door and dropped my head into my hands, forgetting about the food sitting in the sun.

'_I hope he's all right.'_ Was the one phrase that kept running through my mind; I was utterly terrified that some hideously unmentionable fate had befallen Sirius Black. As I was nearing the level of hysteric, I heard the faint trills of laughter coming from the garden.

A strange, sudden clarity surrounded me and I slowly looking up. Slowly I rose to my feet and strode towards the back door, throwing it open. Sitting there in the spot I had been reclining in earlier was a blissful looking man.

My jaw dropped slightly as I watched him, surprise overriding the baser instinct to fling something at him. The door slammed behind me and he turned his head.

"Hello there, decided to come back and free the prisoner, are we?"

I strode towards him and roughly smacked his cheek, eyes blazing. "Do you have any idea what you just put me through? I thought you'd run off or been kidnapped! Don't you _ever_ do that to me again Sirius Alastair Black!"

He caught my wrist in one of his large hands, turning it so my palm was facing upwards. "And why do you care so much? I thought you didn't love me."

"Just because…I never said that, do not put such words into my mouth." I ripped my arm from his grasp and hissed angrily at him. "You are not to leave this house, do you understand me?"

"I am no criminal and I will not obey you."

"No, you _will_ remain here."

"You aren't the boss of me."

"Yes I…I am not going to fight with you. Leave if you wish and be murdered within a few seconds, see if I care."

A sneer, one that had marred the faces of those with purest blood, and he turned away from me. Something inside of me broke at that symbolic gesture as I watched him stride up the stairs to the room I had shown him.

I bit down hard on my lower lip and stumbled to the fireplace in the living room, my spirit sobbing for a friendly face. Something faintly warm and moist rained down upon my cheeks, but I ignored it as I flung some glittering, glassy powder into the flames.

"Private Chambers of Severus Snape." I choked and within seconds a dark head appeared in the dancing, hungry fire.

"What is it?" The man snapped, eyes turning upwards and warmth flooding the usually strict face. "Hermione! Love, what is the matter?" He asked in concern upon seeing the salty tracts slipping down my face.

He stepped through the fireplace and pulled me into his arms, gently rubbing my back in a caring way. I pressed my face into his shoulder as I felt my body begin to shake with a kind of grief I had yet to experience.

"Sweetling, why do you weep as if your very soul has been annihilated before you?" He tenderly smoothed some of my hair from my face when I pulled away enough to look up at him.

"It hurts so much." I whispered my voice cracking as I violently fought the raging emotion within me. "I don't understand…"

His coal dark eyes hardened as his lips thinned in disapproval. "That bastard…I'll rip his flea infected body to bits."

I shook my head quickly, more tears oozing from the corners of my lids as my arms, which were wrapped around his waist, tightened reflexively. He threw a questioning glance at me as I drew out of his embrace.

"Please don't. He is the reason I am so despondent, but only he can heal this suffering inside."

"You told me you did not love him as such yet…"

"I thought he had been kidnapped, or worse yet, murdered." My heart clenched at the very thought.

"I believe it would be best if you began at the beginning. I am utterly perplexed."

He gently steered me to the couch, a large hand on my lower back, and I gratefully took a seat as I tucked my feet beneath my rump. My fingers laced within each other and my nails must have been digging into my flesh because he gently pried my hands apart, holding them in his own.

"After returning home from Hogwarts, there were some things I had to do. I didn't want Sirius to come for the muggle world has never made much sense to him. When I returned some hours later the front door was partially open and my mind automatically leapt to conclusions.

It turns out he was sitting in the garden with his feet in the pond. But, in those few horrible moments I felt as if my very life was falling apart in front of my eyes. It took all of my willpower not to collapse and begin to wail. When I found him the sheer relief almost made me faint.

But we began to fight and I wanted nothing more to grab him and tell him how much I cared…But he asked me why I cared and I became so afraid." I turned haunted eyes up to him, the deep mahogany hue of them breaking with horrified fear. "I don't think he loves me anymore."

A garroted sob twisted from my throat as I dissolved into soft sobs, drawing my hands from his grasp and cradling my wet countenance in them. For a moment he let me cry, before I felt my knuckles pried away and a digit being placed beneath my chin. Slowly he lifted my face up and he smoothed the tears from my cheeks with slightly rough thumbs.

I sniffled pitifully as I gave into the torrent of more Raven-esque feelings. Time drew to a stand still as I watched in low motion as his face lowered to mine. There was the faintest brushing of skin upon my own before they returned, stronger and more urgent than before.

It took me a half second to realize what he was doing, but in that time my lips had unconsciously begun to return the gesture of affection. I had been starved of any kind of the intimate contact that I craved for so long and such a sweetly tender kiss broke through the arctic walls I had built to protect myself after the twin deaths of my friends.

One of his arms slipped around my waist and the other my shoulders, his palm gently cradling the back of my head. Absently my fingers curled in his silky hair as he pulled me closer, humid waves of contentment rolling through my empty being.

The feeling of having a pair of equally frantic and needy lips crushed against my own filled a void within me that had remained unfilled and dead for so many years. In the farthest reaches of my grief befuddled mind I knew that what I was doing was wrong.

It felt as if I was betraying Sirius in the most horrible of ways. But not even that thought could dissuade my more primal need to feel love, emotion, when I was so struck with the idea that the one I truly cared for did not care for me.

"Severus…"I whispered throatily, momentarily breaking the contact between us.

He seemed too enthralled with the heady nectar he had sampled and rapidly reapplied the pressure to my mouth, eagerly swallowing the little sigh of pleasure that escaped from me.

How could I deny him when he so clearly had feelings for me and the one's arms I wanted, if only my subconscious which I later realized was Raven realized, to be safely ensconced in and be kissing apparently did not want me?

The pressure on my lower back slid lower and the tips of his fingers brushed the base of my spine, sending jolts of electricity up the sensitive nerves of my spinal column. I felt him lean into me and my back began to arch as I tried to keep myself from falling backwards onto the plush sofa beneath us.

One of his hands rested on my hip, his fingers lightly pressing into the small pillow that muggles had aptly named "love handles" that seemed almost impossible to burn away. I let out a quiet moan as he nipped on my lower lip, unable to keep the noise within me.

A replying, purr like noise thrummed in his throat as he rested his other hand on the sofa beside me, gently pushing me down. Willingly I did as he bade, letting myself be spread out beneath him.

His mouth left my own and his lips trailed down my chin to the sensitive skin around my ear, liquid fire flaring into life where he touched my flesh. I am unsure of how far we would have gone if we had not been interrupted by a horrified gasp coming from the door way.

"What the hell is going on?" A voice boomed across the room, effectively cutting the exhilarating haze that had surrounded us.

In a fluid motion I pushed him off of me and twisted my torso so I could see the infuriated Sirius glowering not at me, but at Severus. He strode towards us and bodily lifted Severus, holding him tightly by the collar of his shirt.

"How _dare_ you touch her?" He growled, indigo eyes darkening in barely contained fury.

"If you hadn't noticed Black, she wasn't complaining."

"Cause you gave her a potion that fucked with her mind. Why else would anyone ever want to touch you, Snivellus?"

"Clearly time hasn't improved your mental state. Still leaping to conclusions and stampeding into situations with foolhardy bravado."

Their voices had begun to escalate into yells when I quickly rose to my feet, hands clenched at my sides. Sirius might have been my lover and fiancé when I was Raven Grey, but I was an adult twice over and he did not dictate who I kissed.

"Let him go." I snapped; when he merely looked at me, a dark hiss filled the room. "If you do not, you will be extremely sorry."

"But he's Snape…"

"And one of my closest, most beloved friends."

"I could tell…"

"Do not think that you know all when you only saw a moment? You know nothing about my current life, so do not presume that you do. Now let him go." Tangible pulsated around me as infinite blackness the dark curse my parents put upon me so many years ago manifesting itself.

He carelessly dropped Severus and he crumpled onto the sofa. After throwing a rapid, malice filled glare at Sirius, I knelt beside him and gingerly brushed some of his obsidian hair out of his face.

"Are you all right?"

He nodded and continued. "I believe it would be best if I took my leave. I will contact you soon." He lightly brushed his lips against my forehead before disappearing back to Hogwarts.

"How touching…" Sirius drawled.

"Please, Sirius, just shut up."

"Why? I should be the first to congratulate you on your new relationship."

"Severus and I are not in any romantic entanglement."

"The situation I walked in upon would state otherwise."

I dropped my head into my hands as I raked my fingers through my curls, fighting the desire to fling myself at him and beg for forgiveness. "I'm confused." My voice barely made it past the web my interlocked digits made.

"A typical female response." He scoffed.

"You know nothing about women. Please, just leave me alone to think."

"About what? When your wedding will be?" So bitter.

My palms dropped into my lap as I looked up at him, my cheeks still stained from my earlier tears. "No, you silly child, you." I whispered, unable to keep the fondness out of the tones.

How could I? I knew that I truly loved him, but could not. He was dead in current times and falling hopelessly in love with a dead man is never a good thing. I was merely saving myself, at least, that's what I thought.

"Me?" He asked softly, his demeanor suddenly changing. "What is it you need to think about? Your feelings perhaps? Do they outweigh those you have for Snape?" He lightly brushed my leg. "The glorious years we spent together? The child we might have had?"

"Sirius, leave me." Each of his soft suggestions was just another knife blade into my heart.

The warmth evaporated and he left quickly, leaving me alone and empty once again.

* * *

_Review Responses:_

_Saint Emo- If you're still confused, ask exactly what is so confusing. I hope the summary clarifies it for you._

_Alcapacien: Oh very much so...-grin- It's only going to get worse for dear Siri-poo before it gets better. Just look at this chapter, it musta sucked for him. _

_Pira Fallen: Thanks, if you remain confused after reading the summary, email me and I'll try and help._

_Mojo the Rock Chick Munchkin: She's confused, all those feelings are so new..._

_Queen of the Insects: A chapter wouldn't show up for almost two weeks, really just irked me. _

_I hope you all enjoyed, feel free to tell me what you think._

_Your Lord and Master;_

_Foamy the Squirrel_


	6. Six

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, with the exception of a wooly black sweater and some hooker boots._

_Author Notes: It has been so long since I last updated…I am **so** sorry! No excuses apart from my own lazyness, so on to the chapter._

* * *

The Travesty of My Life

Six

I curled up on the couch and began to sob, for the second time that night, quietly into my hands, staring at the staircase Sirius recently stamped up. My mind whirled in a mess of fragmented thoughts and snatches of spine tingling emotion, from both men I loved. My feelings for Severus, while extremely similar to the man upstairs, did not have that fiery intensity that frightened me to the core.

It as more gentle, accepting with its promise to never fade away and ready to slide up a notch into more romantic entanglement. As I looked back at my memories, a sense of confusion began to well up within me at the glimpses of moments spent with him. In the decades our friendship spanned, that glimmer of not so friendly affection lived in every look and touch. Upon a realization I gave my self a mental shake, reeling at the very thought. It would be impossible, so many vied for his attention.

Why would he _ever_ wish for one such as me? A shudder ran through my form and I swallowed a sob, choking on it at the force of it trying to push out of me. I must have looked a pathetic mess, huddled on a large couch and trembling; appearing a broken, frightened child left alone in a cruel word she does not understand. The next stage in my life begun moments later, it would help me to see the choice that was the better of the two, in the process shattering one heart and filling another.

A pair of warm arms descended about me, drawing me against a muscular chest. I welcomed the contact and buried my face in the offered shoulder, gratefully inhaling the man's natural smell. The extremely familiar odor made me jerk away, eyes jumping upwards into a pair of remorse filled pools.

"I'm sorry." He whispered hoarsely, almost as if he himself ad been crying. "It was wrong of me to say those things about Snape. I should respect your friends."

A little gasp was pulled from me at his words, suddenly wondering what had happened to the fuming male I had seen earlier. I shut my mouth slowly, not noticing the tears slowing to a halt and beginning to dry, leaving miniscule salty flakes on my skin.

"What brought about this sudden change of heart?" My voice was raspy and it sounded unpleasant to my ears.

He looked down at me and tightened his grip on my slender form, pulling me ever so slightly closer again him. "I realized I was going to loose you, at least the chance that I hadn't already grew bigger." He buried his face in my hair and I slid my own arms around his neck, welcoming the warmth rolling off of his far larger body. "I cannot loose you, not again." A broken murmur, so soft it almost faded away without being heard in the daily sounds going on outside the little sphere we created.

I gently shifted so I could cup his face in my hands, tenderly stroking my thumbs against his cheeks. In those brief moments all thoughts about the mild feelings I held for Severus were consumed by the intensity of the emotion within me, yearning for Sirius.

In that very same instant it hit me that, despite my choice, after his departure to the past, I would never see him again. I knew then that the memories made in the short time left would have to last a lifetime. I pushed those thoughts away quickly and focused on the present, I needed my wits about me.

"I will never voluntarily leave you Sirius; I swear that to you by the life of our slain child." Pain splintered in his expressive eyes, but the fragments faded when I soothed the eternal hurt with a tender caress to his mouth with my own.

He sat there, startled, for a moment before his lips beneath my own began to respond to the soft touch, bringing one of his arms to curl around my upper torso, his other hand resting lightly on the small of my back. The kiss quickly escalated from something to ease grief into a passionate, heated thing that sucked the ability to think clearly from my mind. A voice screaming a mantra to keep it from escalating tuned out and a kaleidoscope of colours and emotions replaced it.

Why would I have wished to think when everything could be forgotten for a few glorious moments? My fingers threaded through his silky dark hair, such a similar shade to my own, shuddering against him and acquiescing to his silent plea to part my lips. A quiet sigh escaped us both, the noise mingling into one of the more beautiful sounds I have ever heard. At that moment we accepted something, even without realizing it, and it in turn changed us slightly. My hold on reality snapped upon it, I hardly noticed, and not long afterwards we engaged in the most ancient dance of all times, one that bound us together and would heed no time span.

When I returned to my senses, the weight of what occurred slammed into me and I swallowed thickly, trying to ignore the pleasing sensation of another body tangled with my own. A blanket, one which most likely tumbled from the couch at one point during the day, surrounded me and I sighed quietly. Looking up, I met the fuzzy warm eyes of Sirius.

"What's up?" He whispered.

"This has only complicated the situation. I should regret it, but I don't…I can't." I traced whimsical shapes on his bare chest, the muscles contracting slightly under the light touch.

He made a sound in the back of his throat, the prelude to a torrent of speech, but I shook my head quickly quell his words. "I am glad." I murmured. "Do not think that I wish you were someone else." What I was going to say next would merge what I had dubbed my two souls together.

It would mesh Me-Raven together with Me-Hermione, the two sets of memories, the insecurities, the fears, and the feelings would all become one being. My two halves merging into a single entity so no seam would be discernable. The thought unsettled me, but I knew what had to be done. It terrified me that I might loose part of myself to the other part of me, my mind cried out in terror, but I ignored it as best I could. I took in a deep breath and leaned forward, slipping my hands into his.

"Sirius…I love you." I whispered in an undertone, voice wavering with my uncertainty.

"W-What?" He stammered disbelief in his eyes.

I could not say it again, one time was hard enough. I swallowed around the lump in my throat, willing him to say more than that single word. I heard him take in a breath and then tilt my face up to his.

"Hermione or Raven?"

"Both. It has always been there, I understand now why I felt so drawn to your older self. My other half knew that my mate stood before me, whether or not my mind comprehended it or not. This confuses me, yes, but the feeling does not bother me as much as I believed that it would. It feels…"

"…natural." He interrupted, supplying the last fragment of her confession with his own.

My eyes widened slightly and a gentle smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, sweetness filling my being as I felt the two parts of my soul merge into one. A sigh escaped me at is expression and I instinctively nuzzled closer to him, surprisingly content.

* * *

_Ugh, dreadfully short…Especially for how long I made you all wait. I apologize for that…_

_Your Lord and Master;_

_Foamy the Squirrel_


End file.
